Ok, so this is about my journey right? So I'm going to be honest (as per usual).
Today I'm tired. Today I can't be bothered. Today I just want to live a hassle free life and not have to think about God, church, being a Christian, good and bad, living in the light, my sin... today I feel chained up by my faith. I want to give God a break.
I'm fed up of the constant striving, trying to be good, trying to live right, making decisions about things which honestly feel like I'm denying myself the good stuff in life. I'm tired of constantly battling, trying to be good, trying to do the right thing yet getting nowhere. I'm scared. I'm scared of getting it wrong, missing my salvation, fighting for my salvation when really it's all been done for me. Im tired of my thoughts. I'm tired of thinking about whether things are good or bad. I don't want to care today.
I want to stop striving. I wish I wasn't such a perfectionist. I wish I couln't care. I have bad spiritual indigestion and I just want some time out. That's ok right? So what do I do?
Just being honest.
xxx
Been there. Still kind of am there. I think deep down we know it's not God but all the stuff (read: people haha) that surround him and just the general crap of life. It's not about striving though. That just leads to burnout. In solidarity with you even if I don't have a solution :0) She who the Son sets free is free indeed so don't get too down on yourself. (okay hmm, I think I just was talking to myself but hope it means something to you too hehe)
ReplyDeleteVickie
Wow, that is fabulous - thanks so much :) xxx
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