Bonjour from Paris!!! Amaazing I can write a blog whilst over here!
I love today's passage - 2 Samuel 17. So two Godly blokes advise King David on what to do regarding a certain situation. Two men, two different pieces of advice, and a group of men to give judgement on which piece of advice is the best.
So, recently I have made a huge decision, and personally I asked everyone I could think of about what to do in the build up to this. At the end of my quest to find an answer, I had a list of ideas about what to do as big as not only one arm, but two arms and probably both legs! What was the result? Well I ended up worse off than where I had started! I was utterly confused and baffled. Don't get me wrong, all of the opinions were relevant and had good points, all of the people asked were people I trust. But at the end, I had no idea which piece of advice to follow and felt completely snowed under and stressed out. It was almost as if everyone had hooked their opinon onto me, and I was so weighed down and exhausted by the amount of hooks pulling in all directions that I lost sight of truth for a while. As for what God had to say on the matter, well that kinda got lost somewhere in amongst the ideas and I didn't have a clue what He was saying.
So what does this mean? Well often we need to make decisions of our own. We are not going to live life without having to make some very big (and some very small) decisions. So what do we do? I particularly like David's approach in today's reading. He seeks out two trustworthy, Godly men and gets advice from them. He then runs the 2 ideas past the men of Israel to see which is best. Then he goes with the majority vote.
How often in life do we ask person after person what to do? How often do we become overloaded with opinions and ideas? I definitely do it because I want to do the right thing by God, but often end up with so much conflicting advice and so many conflicting thoughts that I end up not pleasing God because I'm so lost in it all. There is most definitely nothing wrong with wanting to please God. This is a good motive. However, to make life a bit easier, and to avoid drowning God's voice out, perhaps asking two really close friends, family members or church family is best. If both answers are similar then obviously it makes the decision easier. If they contrast, I guess we can take it to God or share with a few more friends, a community group or trusted family to see which piece of advice is better. Easy. And less stress on our shoulders!
AND at the end of the day, even if we make the wrong decision, don't you think God would let us know? Don't you think He is kind enough to point us in the right direction. He has GOOD plans for us, not plans to laugh when we take a wrong path or make a wrong decision! Not only this but NOTHING can separate us from His love, not even an innocent decision. (Obviously purposefully choosing the wrong decision isn't a good plan, but an innocent decision is good right? If it's not I'm sure God will let us know!).
Praise God for His wisdom and direction.
Have a blessed day. xx
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
A Way or away?
Hello!
How fantastic was Gary Rucci's talk on Sunday at WCC. I LOVED it. And you can listen to it again (as well as his wife's talk from the first service) at www.watfordcommunitychurch.org. It was so great that he was totally on the same wavelength as last week's blog! I was well chuffed - praise God. He was talking more about how God just doesn't fit into our boxes and our neat little packaged frameworks. He is SO much bigger.
To be honest it's been a real relief. (And this does tie in with the readings from yesterday, hold fast...). The more I'm thinking about things this week, the more I'm realising that I totally put God into a little box. In fact so much so, that I can be quite harsh on myself and others if things do not fit the 'God mould'. I am defnitely on a personal journey of learning about culture versus God - how much of our faith is just culture shaping religion, and how much of our faith is based on God bringing freedom? Don't get me wrong, some 'cultural', 'ritual' and seemingly 'do's and don'ts' provide an excellent framework for us to follow as Christians. We definitely need parameters. However, where do we fall too much into trying to squash God in a box and getting annoyed when He doesn't fit?
One thing which Gary's talk has definitely assisted in is realising just how 'chained up' we can often be in our faith - approving before accepting, following law rather than grace, being satisfied at the same time as trying to live a life of rules and regulations... no people. Faith is freedom. I think for me, I get so scared of doing the wrong thing, that I often try to obey all of the 'rules' out of fear and getting it wrong, rather than relying on God and His savng grace to work and live in me. I get SO scared that I am going to cut myself off from God that I often become legalistic, heeding law rather than freedom.
Yet yesterday I read this verse which ties in so amazingly. It was a tiny verse strategically 'plonked' in the middle of the reading which just totally jumped out and assisted me a whole lot. I can't even properly remember who said what to who, but the meaning was so much more significant for me. It says this:
'Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him.'
Samuel 14v14
Totally amazing. God is not sat on His cloud (lol - I'm joking), with a ticklist of every 'law' we break. Neither does He count our sins against us. God does NOT WANT us to be far from Him, or cut off from Him. NO!
But that's not the end.
He even goes as far as devising, making, plotting, working out, drawing up, designing, testing out ways to bring us back to Him so we do not remain cut off or 'banished'. How awesome is that? I think the most obvious way is through Jesus who made a way back to Father God and who died to take the wrath of our sins and make a bridge back to God. But how cool is it to think that God loves us so much, He makes plans and devises a way to bring us back to Him, should we wonder off the path. I am no longer going to obey 'laws' 'rules' and 'regulations' out of fear of being cut off from God. Yes the Bible says that anyone who knows the right thing to do and does not do it is sinning (James 4v17), this is not an excuse for doing wrong. However it takes the pressure off, and removes the chains of religious observation as opposed to freedom and grace.
Praise God for His awesomeness. I love this verse :)
Have a blessed day :)
How fantastic was Gary Rucci's talk on Sunday at WCC. I LOVED it. And you can listen to it again (as well as his wife's talk from the first service) at www.watfordcommunitychurch.org. It was so great that he was totally on the same wavelength as last week's blog! I was well chuffed - praise God. He was talking more about how God just doesn't fit into our boxes and our neat little packaged frameworks. He is SO much bigger.
To be honest it's been a real relief. (And this does tie in with the readings from yesterday, hold fast...). The more I'm thinking about things this week, the more I'm realising that I totally put God into a little box. In fact so much so, that I can be quite harsh on myself and others if things do not fit the 'God mould'. I am defnitely on a personal journey of learning about culture versus God - how much of our faith is just culture shaping religion, and how much of our faith is based on God bringing freedom? Don't get me wrong, some 'cultural', 'ritual' and seemingly 'do's and don'ts' provide an excellent framework for us to follow as Christians. We definitely need parameters. However, where do we fall too much into trying to squash God in a box and getting annoyed when He doesn't fit?
One thing which Gary's talk has definitely assisted in is realising just how 'chained up' we can often be in our faith - approving before accepting, following law rather than grace, being satisfied at the same time as trying to live a life of rules and regulations... no people. Faith is freedom. I think for me, I get so scared of doing the wrong thing, that I often try to obey all of the 'rules' out of fear and getting it wrong, rather than relying on God and His savng grace to work and live in me. I get SO scared that I am going to cut myself off from God that I often become legalistic, heeding law rather than freedom.
Yet yesterday I read this verse which ties in so amazingly. It was a tiny verse strategically 'plonked' in the middle of the reading which just totally jumped out and assisted me a whole lot. I can't even properly remember who said what to who, but the meaning was so much more significant for me. It says this:
'Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires; rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him.'
Samuel 14v14
Totally amazing. God is not sat on His cloud (lol - I'm joking), with a ticklist of every 'law' we break. Neither does He count our sins against us. God does NOT WANT us to be far from Him, or cut off from Him. NO!
But that's not the end.
He even goes as far as devising, making, plotting, working out, drawing up, designing, testing out ways to bring us back to Him so we do not remain cut off or 'banished'. How awesome is that? I think the most obvious way is through Jesus who made a way back to Father God and who died to take the wrath of our sins and make a bridge back to God. But how cool is it to think that God loves us so much, He makes plans and devises a way to bring us back to Him, should we wonder off the path. I am no longer going to obey 'laws' 'rules' and 'regulations' out of fear of being cut off from God. Yes the Bible says that anyone who knows the right thing to do and does not do it is sinning (James 4v17), this is not an excuse for doing wrong. However it takes the pressure off, and removes the chains of religious observation as opposed to freedom and grace.
Praise God for His awesomeness. I love this verse :)
Have a blessed day :)
Friday, 25 May 2012
Do not kill... Are you sure?
I must say I'm a little confused with the journey readings at the moment. I mean so far this year we've read the 10 commandments saying do not murder yet all that David and his troops seem to be doing is murdering all the time!!! What's this about? Wasn't David supposed to be a man after God's heart?
A couple of things I thought about follow (and they are not by any means true - just thoughts)
Perhaps without Jesus there is death. Jesus obviously appears in human form in the new testament to bring life and truth and freedom from death. Our wrong doings upset God so much that they are punishable by death. Even if we are the nicest person ever we can still upset God by our thoughts, our words, our actions and so on. If you rarely do stuff wrong - awesome! Tell me how!!! If you get a lot wrong, it just means you get to experience grace more times over. A win win situation! We need a saviour to save us and give us life i.e. Jesus who took our punishment and died for us on the cross. (If you don't know the amazing life and freedom from death He offers - check it, out leave a comment or visit Watford Community Church's website - it's well worth it).
Secondly I started thinking, whilst 2 Timothy 3:16 talks about all scripture being God breathed and full of purpose, are we allowed to choose which scriptures we follow and which we don't? Are we allowed to place more importance on some than others for example those we deem to be 'cultural' such as women being silent in church? What do we think here? Has David done this here? Is he disobeying the ten commandments by killing? Why does God give him success in this?
Finally I loved Helen Roberts' talk on Sunday (check out the sermons on the Watford Community Church website to listen). She talked about the Bible working in harmony with the Holy Spirit. The Bible is quite confusing without the assistance of the Holy Spirit to open up our eyes to understand it and allow God to speak through it. Likewise we need scripture for guidance, spiritual grounding, truth and direction, therefore the Holy Spirit alone is not enough. So perhaps in this case it is worth taking my lack of understanding to God and asking His Spirit to assist me on this. You can do likewise with anything you're not sure of.
Anyways, what do you think about this?
Xxx
Monday, 21 May 2012
Against the norm
Hello.
I've been struck recently about how much God just doesn't fit into our neat little boxes. So often we try to categorise God or to believe in this and that and the other when actually God is so much bigger. He doesn't always fit into our mindsets, our views and the moulds that we often make for Him. He is bigger.
Just over a week ago I had a picture at this Christian conference of a pretty neat, pink bow being unravelled and undone. I really felt God challenging me and the others at the conference to think about our viewpoints and our neatly packaged and labelled boxes we have for God. We go to church on a Sunday and have certain expectations. Anything out of those expectations is often considered wrong, unjust, unfair, not right, a challenge..... But God is bigger. What would we do if a prostitute walked in off the streets, or a drug addict, or even an atheist? Are we willing to be disrupted for the One who is BIGGER than our normality?
Two things have jumped out at me in the readings over the last couple of days. The first one I want to mention is in Samuel 7v2-7. David says to Nathan the prophet 'Here I am, living in a palace of ceder, while the ark of God remains in a tent'... God later replies through Nathan saying (v7) 'Wherever I have moved with all of the Israelites, did I ever say to any of their rulers... "Why have you not built me a house of ceder?"' We cannot 'house' God. We cannot limit him. Remember in the old testament God was seen to dwell in the Holy of Holies in the temple? And when Jesus died, the temple curtain, separating the Holy of Holies from the rest of the world, tore in two? God broke out of there. He tore through the man-made container because He is just too big. God cannot be boxed off or limited. He does things out of the norm. He challenges our preconceived ideas and stereotypes. He goes across cultures and genders and ages and races. He is not limited. We must therefore not limit Him.
Secondly I love it in 2 Samuel 6 where David is dancing before the Lord with all of his might, wearing only a linen ephod (v14). You can just imagine the gossip and stares and look of shock and surprise on the faces of some of the people with him that day thinking 'what the heck' and 'woah that's not right, that's not the done thing'. But David challenges the people saying (v21-22) 'I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes'. Wow. He is so focussed on pleasing the Lord that he is prepared to step outside of the box, to go beyond the norm, to break the boundaries in order to please God and give God glory.
So a challenge to us today...
1 - How prepared are we to go beyond the norm and what's acceptable (obviously still in line with God's will) to spread and further the Kingdom? How are we prepared to allow our view points and preconceptions to be challenged? How much have we limited God and placed boundaries on our faith and on His power?
2 - Are we willing to make a fool of ourselves if it means God is being glorified? Are we prepared to step out of our comfort zones and other people's comfort zones, going beyond boarders and beyond 'the norm' to give glory to God, further the Kingdom, and be accepting of other people in our midst who are doing the same?
Some interesting challenges and thoughts today. And a final thought, how far can we go and still be acceptable?
Many blessings
I've been struck recently about how much God just doesn't fit into our neat little boxes. So often we try to categorise God or to believe in this and that and the other when actually God is so much bigger. He doesn't always fit into our mindsets, our views and the moulds that we often make for Him. He is bigger.
Just over a week ago I had a picture at this Christian conference of a pretty neat, pink bow being unravelled and undone. I really felt God challenging me and the others at the conference to think about our viewpoints and our neatly packaged and labelled boxes we have for God. We go to church on a Sunday and have certain expectations. Anything out of those expectations is often considered wrong, unjust, unfair, not right, a challenge..... But God is bigger. What would we do if a prostitute walked in off the streets, or a drug addict, or even an atheist? Are we willing to be disrupted for the One who is BIGGER than our normality?
Two things have jumped out at me in the readings over the last couple of days. The first one I want to mention is in Samuel 7v2-7. David says to Nathan the prophet 'Here I am, living in a palace of ceder, while the ark of God remains in a tent'... God later replies through Nathan saying (v7) 'Wherever I have moved with all of the Israelites, did I ever say to any of their rulers... "Why have you not built me a house of ceder?"' We cannot 'house' God. We cannot limit him. Remember in the old testament God was seen to dwell in the Holy of Holies in the temple? And when Jesus died, the temple curtain, separating the Holy of Holies from the rest of the world, tore in two? God broke out of there. He tore through the man-made container because He is just too big. God cannot be boxed off or limited. He does things out of the norm. He challenges our preconceived ideas and stereotypes. He goes across cultures and genders and ages and races. He is not limited. We must therefore not limit Him.
Secondly I love it in 2 Samuel 6 where David is dancing before the Lord with all of his might, wearing only a linen ephod (v14). You can just imagine the gossip and stares and look of shock and surprise on the faces of some of the people with him that day thinking 'what the heck' and 'woah that's not right, that's not the done thing'. But David challenges the people saying (v21-22) 'I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes'. Wow. He is so focussed on pleasing the Lord that he is prepared to step outside of the box, to go beyond the norm, to break the boundaries in order to please God and give God glory.
So a challenge to us today...
1 - How prepared are we to go beyond the norm and what's acceptable (obviously still in line with God's will) to spread and further the Kingdom? How are we prepared to allow our view points and preconceptions to be challenged? How much have we limited God and placed boundaries on our faith and on His power?
2 - Are we willing to make a fool of ourselves if it means God is being glorified? Are we prepared to step out of our comfort zones and other people's comfort zones, going beyond boarders and beyond 'the norm' to give glory to God, further the Kingdom, and be accepting of other people in our midst who are doing the same?
Some interesting challenges and thoughts today. And a final thought, how far can we go and still be acceptable?
Many blessings
Thursday, 17 May 2012
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Hello
Many thanks to those who sent encouragement and words of wisdom yesterday following the blog I wrote. I was so tired and had so much buzzing round in my head, I was just ready to walk away! Sometimes our spiritual lives can get like that and be so full of this and that and the other, it's hard to take things back to God and see what He thinks. No worries y'all I am not ditching God! I just need some rest, some space and to not be so hard on myself! Let's be a people who, when things get tough, take it back to God and see what He says and see what He thinks. Yes, people's input is more than valuable, but ultimately God is the author and perfector of our faith (Hebrews 12) not people.
I really wanted to share what I shared yesterday because I want to be real. In fact that is half of the point with my blogs - I am opening up my heart and mind to you guys in order that I may encourage, assist, help, offer some alternative viewpoints, tell you it's ok... and also to look back on my own journey and share it with you - my highs, my lows, my confusion, my answers, my prayers, my heart... I don't just want to write about the good stuff, but the bad stuff also. I would be a fake and a fraud if I pretended that everything was always ok. It's not. I think often we can be in utter inner turmoil at 11:05 on a Sunday morning, and when we walk into church at 11:15 we can pretend everything is ok, put on our super holy hats and act as if nothing is the matter. It's ok to doubt. It's ok to be unsure. It's ok to question things. It's all part of the journey. Praise God that we have a whole host believers, friends and family surrounding us, with whom we can have fellowship and even seek guidance. Thanks once again to those who supported me last night and continue to support me.
Finally I wanted to share this which inspired me yesterday...
2 Samuel 2v1 says:
'In the course of time, David enquired of the Lord'
This verse jumped right out at me yesterday. It was totally appropriate. Yesterday as I've said, I was exhausted, confused, sad, struggling... and so on. I really really was not in the mood for a whole big consultation from God, hour long prayer session, three hour Bible study and 90 minute engagement in spiritual warfare. That would not have been helpful. I did, however, attend my Community Group and have a good chat with the amazing folk there which helped. A few other people posted encouragement also and called me up which was fab. After a bit of time, I had calmed down enough to pray and take things to God. It helped and I came up with some solutions.
Now, what I love about the above verse is that in the course of time David enquired of the Lord. Now I'm not saying that this isn't just a tool to move the narrative of the Bible along and to indicate a generic passing of time. However if we think outside of the box, perhaps David was upset, confused, amazed, astonished, numbed, sad, petrified... you name it, and thus he needed time to process his thoughts and gather up enough might to pray and enquire of the Lord. David had just become King. His enemy Saul and best friend Jonathan had just died. David is in mourning. He is probably too numb to pray. He probably doesn't know what to think or say or do. He has a huge responsibility on his shoulders. It takes him time. And eventually he has had enough space to gather himself together and take it to the Lord. Now obviously we know that God is always there ready to assist us whenever we are ready so sometimes waiting is not necessary. Other times we can wait too long and almost run away. I'm not suggesting we do this. What I am saying is that sometimes we are numb. Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need some respite and space. Sometimes it is enough to just lift ourselves out of bed in the morning without the guilt feeling of 'I'm a terrible person because I just don't feel like praying today'. Let's be real people. Life isn't a bed of roses. God understands. God knows. But God is also there behind you, supporting you, and waiting for when the time is right. God will not force Himself on you, but will wait for you until you are ready. What a gracious God we serve.
Many thanks to those who sent encouragement and words of wisdom yesterday following the blog I wrote. I was so tired and had so much buzzing round in my head, I was just ready to walk away! Sometimes our spiritual lives can get like that and be so full of this and that and the other, it's hard to take things back to God and see what He thinks. No worries y'all I am not ditching God! I just need some rest, some space and to not be so hard on myself! Let's be a people who, when things get tough, take it back to God and see what He says and see what He thinks. Yes, people's input is more than valuable, but ultimately God is the author and perfector of our faith (Hebrews 12) not people.
I really wanted to share what I shared yesterday because I want to be real. In fact that is half of the point with my blogs - I am opening up my heart and mind to you guys in order that I may encourage, assist, help, offer some alternative viewpoints, tell you it's ok... and also to look back on my own journey and share it with you - my highs, my lows, my confusion, my answers, my prayers, my heart... I don't just want to write about the good stuff, but the bad stuff also. I would be a fake and a fraud if I pretended that everything was always ok. It's not. I think often we can be in utter inner turmoil at 11:05 on a Sunday morning, and when we walk into church at 11:15 we can pretend everything is ok, put on our super holy hats and act as if nothing is the matter. It's ok to doubt. It's ok to be unsure. It's ok to question things. It's all part of the journey. Praise God that we have a whole host believers, friends and family surrounding us, with whom we can have fellowship and even seek guidance. Thanks once again to those who supported me last night and continue to support me.
Finally I wanted to share this which inspired me yesterday...
2 Samuel 2v1 says:
'In the course of time, David enquired of the Lord'
This verse jumped right out at me yesterday. It was totally appropriate. Yesterday as I've said, I was exhausted, confused, sad, struggling... and so on. I really really was not in the mood for a whole big consultation from God, hour long prayer session, three hour Bible study and 90 minute engagement in spiritual warfare. That would not have been helpful. I did, however, attend my Community Group and have a good chat with the amazing folk there which helped. A few other people posted encouragement also and called me up which was fab. After a bit of time, I had calmed down enough to pray and take things to God. It helped and I came up with some solutions.
Now, what I love about the above verse is that in the course of time David enquired of the Lord. Now I'm not saying that this isn't just a tool to move the narrative of the Bible along and to indicate a generic passing of time. However if we think outside of the box, perhaps David was upset, confused, amazed, astonished, numbed, sad, petrified... you name it, and thus he needed time to process his thoughts and gather up enough might to pray and enquire of the Lord. David had just become King. His enemy Saul and best friend Jonathan had just died. David is in mourning. He is probably too numb to pray. He probably doesn't know what to think or say or do. He has a huge responsibility on his shoulders. It takes him time. And eventually he has had enough space to gather himself together and take it to the Lord. Now obviously we know that God is always there ready to assist us whenever we are ready so sometimes waiting is not necessary. Other times we can wait too long and almost run away. I'm not suggesting we do this. What I am saying is that sometimes we are numb. Sometimes we need a break. Sometimes we need some respite and space. Sometimes it is enough to just lift ourselves out of bed in the morning without the guilt feeling of 'I'm a terrible person because I just don't feel like praying today'. Let's be real people. Life isn't a bed of roses. God understands. God knows. But God is also there behind you, supporting you, and waiting for when the time is right. God will not force Himself on you, but will wait for you until you are ready. What a gracious God we serve.
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Time out from God?
Ok, so this is about my journey right? So I'm going to be honest (as per usual).
Today I'm tired. Today I can't be bothered. Today I just want to live a hassle free life and not have to think about God, church, being a Christian, good and bad, living in the light, my sin... today I feel chained up by my faith. I want to give God a break.
I'm fed up of the constant striving, trying to be good, trying to live right, making decisions about things which honestly feel like I'm denying myself the good stuff in life. I'm tired of constantly battling, trying to be good, trying to do the right thing yet getting nowhere. I'm scared. I'm scared of getting it wrong, missing my salvation, fighting for my salvation when really it's all been done for me. Im tired of my thoughts. I'm tired of thinking about whether things are good or bad. I don't want to care today.
I want to stop striving. I wish I wasn't such a perfectionist. I wish I couln't care. I have bad spiritual indigestion and I just want some time out. That's ok right? So what do I do?
Just being honest.
xxx
Today I'm tired. Today I can't be bothered. Today I just want to live a hassle free life and not have to think about God, church, being a Christian, good and bad, living in the light, my sin... today I feel chained up by my faith. I want to give God a break.
I'm fed up of the constant striving, trying to be good, trying to live right, making decisions about things which honestly feel like I'm denying myself the good stuff in life. I'm tired of constantly battling, trying to be good, trying to do the right thing yet getting nowhere. I'm scared. I'm scared of getting it wrong, missing my salvation, fighting for my salvation when really it's all been done for me. Im tired of my thoughts. I'm tired of thinking about whether things are good or bad. I don't want to care today.
I want to stop striving. I wish I wasn't such a perfectionist. I wish I couln't care. I have bad spiritual indigestion and I just want some time out. That's ok right? So what do I do?
Just being honest.
xxx
Monday, 14 May 2012
The Bible's contradictions; do's and don'ts. How do I know?
Hiyer,
Apologies for being really tired today. My head is swimming with all kinds of stuff so I'm going to write it down in the hope of finding clarity.
I've just spent the most amazing weekend at Meltdown, a Christian hard music festival with like-minded believers and non-believers... it was superb. (http://meltdownmusic.co.uk/) I met so many great people and caught up with some people I haven't seen in years! I was truely blessed. BUT I've come away completely confused!
During the weekend there was some outstanding teaching. All very relevant and appropriate. Some was extremely challenging and other bits were just really motivating and encouraging. I loved it. There were some real gems that I took from the weekend. BUT I'm still confused. In fact I'm often confused about stuff to be honest because in this world there are just so many voices screaming at you to wear this, don't wear that, be this, do this, eat this, avoid this... In one magazine you can read so much contradicting advice. The TV, the news, our politicians, our friends, and even our churches can be so full of contradicting advice. What's a girl supposed to do?!
This weekend I heard one speaker say that you can lose your salvation and another the same day say that you couldn't. They both backed up their arguments with scripture and both had relevant arguments to make. As you know from my previous blogs I am dating a non-christian. (Please let me clarify here, I am 'dating' this guy, getting to know him better, spending time with him, praying for him, taking him to church, having fun with him, chilling out with him and so on to build up a foundation and see whether a relationship is something we can pursue further down the line. Whilst I am also exclusively dating, I am not committing the rest of my life to him. He has not asked me to marry him. We are not officially together. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes I am not perfect and it is a difficult road to tread in keeping things calm, chilled and not rushing, but nonetheless we are taking things very slowly, being very open and honest with eachother and just seeing what happens. I am aware that at times this could cause mixed signals, but we are both doing our best to limit these and at the end of it all if nothing works out between us, then nothing works out between us. Time and space will tell.).....
Anyways, so as you know I am dating this yet to be believer. I have spoken to several people about this this weekend. Some people have been quite feisty in their opinions that 'you shouldn't be yoked together with a non-believer', 'what are you doing', 'the Bible is quite clear on this'. Others have been extremely happy for me 'you are free to date who you like', 'God didn't make man (or woman) to be alone', 'Hosea dated a prostitute, it's fine', 'Adam and Eve weren't the conventional Christian'.... and so on.
So what do I believe? The Bible is full of 'opposing' views, opinions, arguments and so on. So what are we supposed to do? What do we believe? What do we follow? Now I don't quite like my use of the word 'opposing' views because I feel that many arguments in the Bible merely offer alternative perspectives. I have certain views on teaching. Other people have different views. But we both teach and the pupils still learn. Just in differing ways - neither is right nor wrong. I also massively value the Bible. I think it is all 'God-breathed' (2 Timothy 3v16) and is also alive. I think it is all useful and inspirational. Infact I really like the analogy that God hides gems in the Bible for us to discover as and when we grow deeper with Him. Hiding an easter egg for a 2 year old would be in a much more obvious place than hiding an easter egg for a 10 year old to find. Just like scripture - the more mature we grow, the more gems we can find hidden in deeper places.
But this still doesn't give me an answer to what I should do or what I should follow. Particularly at present, do I go with the 'don't be yoked with a non-believer' verse and risk putting this guy off and him turning his back on God because he doesn't agree or do I go along with 'it is not good for man to be alone'? Similarly and just to throw this out there... do we follow David's example in killing and plundering the Philistines or do we follow the 'do not kill' commandment? So what do we do?
Well personally I love the seemingly contradictory parts in the Bible. I love peoples' opposing views and opinions. It just shows and demonstrates how individual each person is, and how different we can interpret things. It allows us to exercise free will and consider alternative perspectives. I don't think the Bible is opposed or contradictory necessarily, I think it just allows for us to chew over certain things and exercise our free will in what we choose to believe or follow.
I tell you, if I'd have followed the advice I have received this week, I would have stopped dating and started dating this guy a billion times over. How's THAT for confusing? He is far too precious for me to mess around with like that. And besides how do I know what is right and wrong? If we followed everything in the Bible and the examples we see we would all be murderers and adulterers, have up to700 wives, concubines and princesses (like King Solomon - see 1Kings 11v3), not allow women to show their hair or speak in church.... and a whole host of other things. So what should we do?
Isn't it amazing that Christianity is based on relationship as opposed to do's and dont's. Isn't it amazing that after it all we have a heavenly Father who has GOOD plans for us and who is FOR us, not against us and out to trick us with His Word. Isn't it amazing that we can ask Him directly and ask Him to reveal His will and plan and thoughts to us. Isn't it amazing that we can tell Him when we don't understand and ask for clarity. He isn't going to point an accusing finger because we don't get something or have misunderstood. No. He is going to walk this with us, guide us and direct us, help us out, reveal things to us... I think it's amazing that the Word, i.e. the Bible is a 'light for our feet' (Psalm 119v105). The Word is not the Way itself - that role belongs to Jesus, i.e. God. HE is the Way and the Truth and the Life (John 14v6). The Bible is there to light the way and help us to discover a pathway to God and make things clearer and assist our understanding. YES it has power, YES God SPOKE the world into being with words, yes we can use scripture to speak life into things and break strongholds, but ultimately it is GOD who does these things, who has blessed us with His Word to enable us to see Him clearer and understand Him better. Perhaps my theology is not entirely accurate here. Perhaps there are differing views. That's fine. Good. I hope there are and I would encourage you to think about these things for yourselves.
So in answer to what to do; take it to God. What does He say? What does He think? What is He getting at, telling you, speaking to you about? I am fed up of us living a Christianity based on what other people say and think and tell us to do. YES praise God for other people's divine wisdom and encouragement. Praise God for other people's ability to teach, minister and help us through things, but at the end of it all WHAT DOES GOD SAY? How much of what we believe is based on God and how much of it is based on what other people have said and the cultures that they have formed? Let's take things to our Creator. Honestly, if something goes wrong with my computer, I take it back to it's creator because they know best. Yes a technical assistant in Curry's or a friend with IT knowledge may be able to help me out and often I do ask for their help. But ultimately the designer and creator knows best. Let's be a people who do not live out a people based faith, but a God based faith.
Some interesting thoughts. My head is not swimming so much anymore.
xxx
Apologies for being really tired today. My head is swimming with all kinds of stuff so I'm going to write it down in the hope of finding clarity.
I've just spent the most amazing weekend at Meltdown, a Christian hard music festival with like-minded believers and non-believers... it was superb. (http://meltdownmusic.co.uk/) I met so many great people and caught up with some people I haven't seen in years! I was truely blessed. BUT I've come away completely confused!
During the weekend there was some outstanding teaching. All very relevant and appropriate. Some was extremely challenging and other bits were just really motivating and encouraging. I loved it. There were some real gems that I took from the weekend. BUT I'm still confused. In fact I'm often confused about stuff to be honest because in this world there are just so many voices screaming at you to wear this, don't wear that, be this, do this, eat this, avoid this... In one magazine you can read so much contradicting advice. The TV, the news, our politicians, our friends, and even our churches can be so full of contradicting advice. What's a girl supposed to do?!
This weekend I heard one speaker say that you can lose your salvation and another the same day say that you couldn't. They both backed up their arguments with scripture and both had relevant arguments to make. As you know from my previous blogs I am dating a non-christian. (Please let me clarify here, I am 'dating' this guy, getting to know him better, spending time with him, praying for him, taking him to church, having fun with him, chilling out with him and so on to build up a foundation and see whether a relationship is something we can pursue further down the line. Whilst I am also exclusively dating, I am not committing the rest of my life to him. He has not asked me to marry him. We are not officially together. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes I am not perfect and it is a difficult road to tread in keeping things calm, chilled and not rushing, but nonetheless we are taking things very slowly, being very open and honest with eachother and just seeing what happens. I am aware that at times this could cause mixed signals, but we are both doing our best to limit these and at the end of it all if nothing works out between us, then nothing works out between us. Time and space will tell.).....
Anyways, so as you know I am dating this yet to be believer. I have spoken to several people about this this weekend. Some people have been quite feisty in their opinions that 'you shouldn't be yoked together with a non-believer', 'what are you doing', 'the Bible is quite clear on this'. Others have been extremely happy for me 'you are free to date who you like', 'God didn't make man (or woman) to be alone', 'Hosea dated a prostitute, it's fine', 'Adam and Eve weren't the conventional Christian'.... and so on.
So what do I believe? The Bible is full of 'opposing' views, opinions, arguments and so on. So what are we supposed to do? What do we believe? What do we follow? Now I don't quite like my use of the word 'opposing' views because I feel that many arguments in the Bible merely offer alternative perspectives. I have certain views on teaching. Other people have different views. But we both teach and the pupils still learn. Just in differing ways - neither is right nor wrong. I also massively value the Bible. I think it is all 'God-breathed' (2 Timothy 3v16) and is also alive. I think it is all useful and inspirational. Infact I really like the analogy that God hides gems in the Bible for us to discover as and when we grow deeper with Him. Hiding an easter egg for a 2 year old would be in a much more obvious place than hiding an easter egg for a 10 year old to find. Just like scripture - the more mature we grow, the more gems we can find hidden in deeper places.
But this still doesn't give me an answer to what I should do or what I should follow. Particularly at present, do I go with the 'don't be yoked with a non-believer' verse and risk putting this guy off and him turning his back on God because he doesn't agree or do I go along with 'it is not good for man to be alone'? Similarly and just to throw this out there... do we follow David's example in killing and plundering the Philistines or do we follow the 'do not kill' commandment? So what do we do?
Well personally I love the seemingly contradictory parts in the Bible. I love peoples' opposing views and opinions. It just shows and demonstrates how individual each person is, and how different we can interpret things. It allows us to exercise free will and consider alternative perspectives. I don't think the Bible is opposed or contradictory necessarily, I think it just allows for us to chew over certain things and exercise our free will in what we choose to believe or follow.
I tell you, if I'd have followed the advice I have received this week, I would have stopped dating and started dating this guy a billion times over. How's THAT for confusing? He is far too precious for me to mess around with like that. And besides how do I know what is right and wrong? If we followed everything in the Bible and the examples we see we would all be murderers and adulterers, have up to700 wives, concubines and princesses (like King Solomon - see 1Kings 11v3), not allow women to show their hair or speak in church.... and a whole host of other things. So what should we do?
Isn't it amazing that Christianity is based on relationship as opposed to do's and dont's. Isn't it amazing that after it all we have a heavenly Father who has GOOD plans for us and who is FOR us, not against us and out to trick us with His Word. Isn't it amazing that we can ask Him directly and ask Him to reveal His will and plan and thoughts to us. Isn't it amazing that we can tell Him when we don't understand and ask for clarity. He isn't going to point an accusing finger because we don't get something or have misunderstood. No. He is going to walk this with us, guide us and direct us, help us out, reveal things to us... I think it's amazing that the Word, i.e. the Bible is a 'light for our feet' (Psalm 119v105). The Word is not the Way itself - that role belongs to Jesus, i.e. God. HE is the Way and the Truth and the Life (John 14v6). The Bible is there to light the way and help us to discover a pathway to God and make things clearer and assist our understanding. YES it has power, YES God SPOKE the world into being with words, yes we can use scripture to speak life into things and break strongholds, but ultimately it is GOD who does these things, who has blessed us with His Word to enable us to see Him clearer and understand Him better. Perhaps my theology is not entirely accurate here. Perhaps there are differing views. That's fine. Good. I hope there are and I would encourage you to think about these things for yourselves.
So in answer to what to do; take it to God. What does He say? What does He think? What is He getting at, telling you, speaking to you about? I am fed up of us living a Christianity based on what other people say and think and tell us to do. YES praise God for other people's divine wisdom and encouragement. Praise God for other people's ability to teach, minister and help us through things, but at the end of it all WHAT DOES GOD SAY? How much of what we believe is based on God and how much of it is based on what other people have said and the cultures that they have formed? Let's take things to our Creator. Honestly, if something goes wrong with my computer, I take it back to it's creator because they know best. Yes a technical assistant in Curry's or a friend with IT knowledge may be able to help me out and often I do ask for their help. But ultimately the designer and creator knows best. Let's be a people who do not live out a people based faith, but a God based faith.
Some interesting thoughts. My head is not swimming so much anymore.
xxx
Saturday, 12 May 2012
Our gospel isn't enough
Something's been on my mind lately that I need to write about. OUR gospel isn't enough. What? What do I mean? Of course it's enough, Jesus died to take our sin away so we can have eternal life and be free and live life to the full. Yup.
But that's not it. That's only half the gospel. We're missing a whole chunk off!!
So what's the whole gospel? What's the good news?
Well yeh, ultimately Jesus did die to take our wrong doings on His shoulders so we can stand clean before God and hav direct access to a relationship with Him. BUT THERE'S MORE!!!! What about the years leading up to Jesus' death? Why about His ministry and teaching? What about all of the people He got alongside and supported and loved and prayed for? What about the prostitutes He hung out with, the meals He shared, the sick He healed? Isn't this part of the good news and the gospel too?
You see far too often we are so obsessed with people becoming Christians, saying the sinners prayer and wham bam thank you mam. Well yeh, excellent if that's the answer then superb!!!!! But what about the people that this doesn't work for? See we are missing half of the gospel - we are missing the walking alongside people, the journey, the love, the care, the different pathways that different people take to God. What about the links in the chain? What about the healings? The loving? The fellowship? The TIME we should dedicate to people? And what about the alone time which Jesus had and needed in order to spend time with His Father so He could carry out His ministry effectively?
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Offended?
Hello :-)
Just a quick blog. I've heard rumours that some people have been offended by my blog - particularly the one on dating. If this is you then from the bottom of my heart I am completely sorry and it was definitely not my intention. I realise some of what I say is quite controversial. I'm learning. This is a journey. It's about sharing thoughts, ideas, my walk... Please feel free to challenge me on what I say. I do not mean to out down, accuse, speak harshly or offend...
MUCH love in Christ :-)
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Stuck
Hello.
2 things today - the first one is from yesterday's reading in 1 Samuel 21v5. I know it's taken out of context but it really made me think...
Holy all of the time
v5 'The men's bodies are holy even on missions that are not holy'.
I love this verse. How often do many of us act all super holy in church, raise our hands in worship, nod in the right places and so on, and then argue with our family, swear, get angry, or whatever when we step outside of that holy place? How many of us act all holy when we are 'supposed' to be holy, i.e. on missions trips, with other Christians, and so on, but then forget to be holy at other times?
We need to be holy all of the time, whether we are in church or surrounded by Christians or not. Just like the men referred to in this verse - we need to be and pursue holiness even when we are not on a 'particular' mission. We should be holy all of the time. Even on 'missions' or in places that seem less holy and less Godly. (I would also argue that we are on a mission all of the time...)
Interesting thoughts.
Stuck in traffic - point 2
Awesome stuff - yesterday I decided to do the long drive home mid rush hour and visit my family for the bank holiday weekend. Inevitably there was lots of traffic and lots of stopping and starting. Crawling for 6 junctions is not my forté. Neither is patience. However it got me thinking...
My purpose was to drive. My destination was Liverpool. Yet because I was slowed down and restricted, it was so frustrating! It felt almost like my vision and purpose were not being achieved and that my destiny was being hindered.
In our journey as Christians, sometimes we can loose sight of our destination because of certain choices or factors which crowd in and hinder us, or put things on hold. Other times we are hindered or restricted by external factors which are not our fault. But what do we do? Here are some thoughts.
1 - Do a pitstop check - make sure we are carrying on smoothly without hinderance.
2 - If we are being hindered, what is holding us back and can we remove it or stop it? Perhaps it is a negative lifestyle choice, a bad relationship, a decision that needs making and so on.
3 - Live ready. Sometimes, unfortunately, things do get in our way and there is nothing we can do about it. I really feel (as I have expressed previously) that I am destined to preach and bind up the broken hearted. It is my vision and my destiny. Yet so often it is hindered by external factors like life in general. Yet if I am not living ready and putting myself in a place for this to happen, should God give me the green light, I may miss the opportunity. If we are stuck in traffic and are not ready to move when the road ahead clears up, we are going to get into all sorts of trouble - beeping, other drivers taking our place, more hinderance...
4 - Hold on, keep the vision alive, have something to aim for, keep hoping.
Finally this is a good verse to end on from the King James Bible...
Proverbs 29:18
'Where there is no vision, the people perish'
Have a blessed weekend :)
2 things today - the first one is from yesterday's reading in 1 Samuel 21v5. I know it's taken out of context but it really made me think...
Holy all of the time
v5 'The men's bodies are holy even on missions that are not holy'.
I love this verse. How often do many of us act all super holy in church, raise our hands in worship, nod in the right places and so on, and then argue with our family, swear, get angry, or whatever when we step outside of that holy place? How many of us act all holy when we are 'supposed' to be holy, i.e. on missions trips, with other Christians, and so on, but then forget to be holy at other times?
We need to be holy all of the time, whether we are in church or surrounded by Christians or not. Just like the men referred to in this verse - we need to be and pursue holiness even when we are not on a 'particular' mission. We should be holy all of the time. Even on 'missions' or in places that seem less holy and less Godly. (I would also argue that we are on a mission all of the time...)
Interesting thoughts.
Stuck in traffic - point 2
Awesome stuff - yesterday I decided to do the long drive home mid rush hour and visit my family for the bank holiday weekend. Inevitably there was lots of traffic and lots of stopping and starting. Crawling for 6 junctions is not my forté. Neither is patience. However it got me thinking...
My purpose was to drive. My destination was Liverpool. Yet because I was slowed down and restricted, it was so frustrating! It felt almost like my vision and purpose were not being achieved and that my destiny was being hindered.
In our journey as Christians, sometimes we can loose sight of our destination because of certain choices or factors which crowd in and hinder us, or put things on hold. Other times we are hindered or restricted by external factors which are not our fault. But what do we do? Here are some thoughts.
1 - Do a pitstop check - make sure we are carrying on smoothly without hinderance.
2 - If we are being hindered, what is holding us back and can we remove it or stop it? Perhaps it is a negative lifestyle choice, a bad relationship, a decision that needs making and so on.
3 - Live ready. Sometimes, unfortunately, things do get in our way and there is nothing we can do about it. I really feel (as I have expressed previously) that I am destined to preach and bind up the broken hearted. It is my vision and my destiny. Yet so often it is hindered by external factors like life in general. Yet if I am not living ready and putting myself in a place for this to happen, should God give me the green light, I may miss the opportunity. If we are stuck in traffic and are not ready to move when the road ahead clears up, we are going to get into all sorts of trouble - beeping, other drivers taking our place, more hinderance...
4 - Hold on, keep the vision alive, have something to aim for, keep hoping.
Finally this is a good verse to end on from the King James Bible...
Proverbs 29:18
'Where there is no vision, the people perish'
Have a blessed weekend :)
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
Outdated Dating - no sex before marriage - really?! And other musings.
OK, I need to write this because it's on my heart. 2 blogs in one day - you guys are lucky!
I recently read an excellent article in the 'Christianity' magazine called 'Outdated'. It was an article that looked at some of the Christian dating books available on the market, and looked at how effective they are. It was an absolutely outstanding article. But it got me all firey and passionate and I need to air some thoughts. Please don't take offence at what I say (especially the men). Also when I refer to 'the church' I am referring to the church in general, not one particular church and not WCC cos I love that church!
I completely agree that many churches views on dating is 'outdated'. I also feel that many Christians are under so much pressure to marry, and to do it young that it has become dangerous. Let me expand.
Outdated
Don't have sex before marriage.
Don't lie down with a person you are dating.
Dating a non-Christian is wrong.
You should only go out with someone you intend to marry.
These are all phrases I have heard either in church or in Christian books on dating. Whilst I can see the reasoning behind this, and whilst I agree to an extent in part, (sex before marriage can cause a whole host of issues and this guidance is intended for our own good, not as a joy-killer for example) in reality more needs to be said than this. In reality the young people and twenty somethings in our churches are often out there doing this. How much grace is in the church to deal with these things? 'How well is the church supporting couples ... as we work through this?' (Christianity Magazine). How can we avoid the condemning 'don't do this' comments and instead support and love these people in their choices and decisions?
Ok to bring matters a bit more closer to home as I often like to do (as you probably know)... I am 28 and single. I am fed up of waiting. I have had failed relationships. I have seen most of my Christian friends getting married and not having failed relationships. It gets frustrating. I feel I have 'missed the boat'. I want to remain pure, but it's difficult. Whilst most of my younger Christian friends have been sharing intimate moments with their spouses for years, I have to wait! I have desires too! With the hugely higher ratio of Christian women:Chrisian men (1:7 is it?) is it unsurprising that I am dating non-christians? I don't particularly want to, but my desire to be loved and to love, and for intimacy, marriage, sharing my life with a life-long companion and to have a family kinda outweighs the 'oh, he's not a christian'. "So what" I often hear myself say. Plus what about the fact that marriage was so different in Biblical times? Times have changed. Unfortunately my Dad is not going to marry me off to someone he has chosen for me based on finances, status, wealth, race, creed, and so on at 14 years of age! Whilst we have 'The Marriage Course' for married couples to give guidance, advice, tips and support for their marriage (which I wholly support and value), where is is the 'singles' course? And by that I do not mean some seedy, cattle market type pick and choose your future spouse gathering. I hate that. These are REAL issues that churches REALLY need to be dealing with.
Now, whilst I say I am single, I am actually currently dating a non-christian. I am yet to commit to anything because I am unsure myself - partly due to pressure, partly just because I am unsure what I want, and am prefering to remain single at the moment and also partly because I just don't know if dating someone who ultimately does not share my passion and my faith would work. He knows this and is extremely supportive. However in many ways, this man is more than I can ask for. He is kind, caring, supportive, understanding, does not pressure me, completely respects my 'no sex before marriage' stance, treats me like a princess, comes to church with me, listens to me, calls me, has been to visit 4 times from up north, treats me, takes me out, pays for me... he has a good job, is able to fix my car if it needs something minor doing to it, cooks, cleans, looks after himself, has a high standard of personal hygiene, we get on well, we laugh, we cry, we enjoy eachother's company, we totally love beingin each other's company.... But wait. I'm supposed to turn this down because he isn't a full believer, despite having experienced God and having some sort of faith in God, even though it might not be fully developed yet? Is this for real? Am I turning down the best things that could happen? Help me out here!
Christian Men
Ok next up, firstly I want to say that men, I love you as brothers in Christ, and I mean no offence here whatsoever. I am just airing some thoughts. I love men. They are wonderful. I love their outlook on life, their kindness, their support, their love, their physical features, their strength, their practical nature, their ability to work with technology better than I can, their aptness to deal with certain aspects of DIY that I cant, their 'knight in shining armour' God-given qualities.... In fact I celebrate everything God did when He created men and everything that goes with that. God really did do a good job. I'm not being stereotypical or sexist whatsoever. I believe men and women were created with different abilities and giftings which I think was done to compliment eachother, so I want to celebrate this. It's attractive. It's what I want.
However, I just don't fancy Christian men. I'm sorry I said that. But it's out there. Someone had to say it. Now when I speak here, I am talking very generally, and perhaps I just haven't met the right one. There are huge exceptions to the rules and again I don't mean to offend. But Christian men generally fall into 3 categories
1) Married
2) Engaged
3) A reincarnation of Jesus himself complete with socks and sandals, unkept facial hair, no idea about today's moden fashion and completely clueless in the whole area of dating.
Ok so point 3 is completely harsh and exagerated. But you get what I mean. Men. For God's sake (and women's) please, MAN-UP! As a woman I believe and celebrate the fact that I was designed to be wooed, having flowers bought for me is not soppy - I LOVE IT! Having a man make a decision shows initiative and demonstrates reliability, stability and someone I could depend upon. Those of you who date on the Internet (and yes, I include Christians here), please don't ask my name first off, and then ask if I'm horny or what my underwear sizes are as question number 2. (Too far, or just speaking the truth!?). I want a man who is able to control himself, and help me control myself also, not pull me down on the first opportunity he gets! It's a huge turn off. I love a man who is himself and who has character. Far too often I fear that men are trying so hard to be Jesus, that they forget to be THEMSELVES - the person God created them to be. We are not called to be Jesus, but to be like Jesus. My final rant here is this. If my sink is totally splurting water everywhere and needs fixing, unless there is a woman who can do it, (and I am all for women doing traditionally male dominated jobs), then I want a MAN who can come and fix it. Similarly if my lightbulb needs changing, or my car tyres need pumping up I also would like a man's touch to help me out. In addition, if I am upset and crying, I want a man to take me in his arms and cuddle me, not run a mile and go pale in the face through fear. I love men being manly. I'm sure if I had to I could fix a sink, and I already know how to change a lightbulb and regularly pump my car tyres up. I have been crying for 28 years and can cope. I am not reverting to pre 1960 gender roles. I am just saying that I love men having the ability to be manly; something I fear that the modern male Christian isn't.
Marriage and Breakups
I am no authority on this. I have never been married, and my breakups have always been horrendous. But they were made easier by the help of my amazing church family, who walked with me, loved me, understood and cared for me. Often there is a lot of pressure to get married because, yes, it is good. And yes, those saving sex for marriage often do want to marry sooner rather than later. Fair enough. However I do think that today's Christians often rush into it far too soon without giving it enough thought or enough time to develop naturally and wholesomely. What is the church doing to assist this? Many of my Christian friends who married young are experiencing a whole wealth of financial difficulties, health problems, arguments, disagreements, family problems, and so on which could have been avoided if they had just waited that bit longer until things were a bit more stable. Yes marriage is good, but it can also be very dangerous. Churches, we need to care for our engaged couples and ensure they are fully ready or as ready as can be). Marriage is fast becoming a 'fashion' rather than a life-long commitment ('what table decoration are you having, what colour are your bridesmaids, veil or no veil). Often I think couples are also getting married because there seems to be a fear of 'breaking-up'. Breaking up hurts. It is horrific. But rather break up than marry someone you just can't cope with in 3 years time when reality hits. People, we need to advise on breaking-up. We need to support those who do. We need to tell people if we think they are not right together. And we need teaching on how to date in a Godly but realistic way which is more than just a list of do's and don'ts.
So these are some thoughts. I'm not saying I'm right. I mean no offence. I am just sharing some things. I hope you enjoy and any feedback is always welcome.
'God, I'm not asking for a man who is a Christian, I'm asking for a Christian who is a man',
Amen
*Braces herself for the onslaught*.
XXX
I recently read an excellent article in the 'Christianity' magazine called 'Outdated'. It was an article that looked at some of the Christian dating books available on the market, and looked at how effective they are. It was an absolutely outstanding article. But it got me all firey and passionate and I need to air some thoughts. Please don't take offence at what I say (especially the men). Also when I refer to 'the church' I am referring to the church in general, not one particular church and not WCC cos I love that church!
I completely agree that many churches views on dating is 'outdated'. I also feel that many Christians are under so much pressure to marry, and to do it young that it has become dangerous. Let me expand.
Outdated
Don't have sex before marriage.
Don't lie down with a person you are dating.
Dating a non-Christian is wrong.
You should only go out with someone you intend to marry.
These are all phrases I have heard either in church or in Christian books on dating. Whilst I can see the reasoning behind this, and whilst I agree to an extent in part, (sex before marriage can cause a whole host of issues and this guidance is intended for our own good, not as a joy-killer for example) in reality more needs to be said than this. In reality the young people and twenty somethings in our churches are often out there doing this. How much grace is in the church to deal with these things? 'How well is the church supporting couples ... as we work through this?' (Christianity Magazine). How can we avoid the condemning 'don't do this' comments and instead support and love these people in their choices and decisions?
Ok to bring matters a bit more closer to home as I often like to do (as you probably know)... I am 28 and single. I am fed up of waiting. I have had failed relationships. I have seen most of my Christian friends getting married and not having failed relationships. It gets frustrating. I feel I have 'missed the boat'. I want to remain pure, but it's difficult. Whilst most of my younger Christian friends have been sharing intimate moments with their spouses for years, I have to wait! I have desires too! With the hugely higher ratio of Christian women:Chrisian men (1:7 is it?) is it unsurprising that I am dating non-christians? I don't particularly want to, but my desire to be loved and to love, and for intimacy, marriage, sharing my life with a life-long companion and to have a family kinda outweighs the 'oh, he's not a christian'. "So what" I often hear myself say. Plus what about the fact that marriage was so different in Biblical times? Times have changed. Unfortunately my Dad is not going to marry me off to someone he has chosen for me based on finances, status, wealth, race, creed, and so on at 14 years of age! Whilst we have 'The Marriage Course' for married couples to give guidance, advice, tips and support for their marriage (which I wholly support and value), where is is the 'singles' course? And by that I do not mean some seedy, cattle market type pick and choose your future spouse gathering. I hate that. These are REAL issues that churches REALLY need to be dealing with.
Now, whilst I say I am single, I am actually currently dating a non-christian. I am yet to commit to anything because I am unsure myself - partly due to pressure, partly just because I am unsure what I want, and am prefering to remain single at the moment and also partly because I just don't know if dating someone who ultimately does not share my passion and my faith would work. He knows this and is extremely supportive. However in many ways, this man is more than I can ask for. He is kind, caring, supportive, understanding, does not pressure me, completely respects my 'no sex before marriage' stance, treats me like a princess, comes to church with me, listens to me, calls me, has been to visit 4 times from up north, treats me, takes me out, pays for me... he has a good job, is able to fix my car if it needs something minor doing to it, cooks, cleans, looks after himself, has a high standard of personal hygiene, we get on well, we laugh, we cry, we enjoy eachother's company, we totally love beingin each other's company.... But wait. I'm supposed to turn this down because he isn't a full believer, despite having experienced God and having some sort of faith in God, even though it might not be fully developed yet? Is this for real? Am I turning down the best things that could happen? Help me out here!
Christian Men
Ok next up, firstly I want to say that men, I love you as brothers in Christ, and I mean no offence here whatsoever. I am just airing some thoughts. I love men. They are wonderful. I love their outlook on life, their kindness, their support, their love, their physical features, their strength, their practical nature, their ability to work with technology better than I can, their aptness to deal with certain aspects of DIY that I cant, their 'knight in shining armour' God-given qualities.... In fact I celebrate everything God did when He created men and everything that goes with that. God really did do a good job. I'm not being stereotypical or sexist whatsoever. I believe men and women were created with different abilities and giftings which I think was done to compliment eachother, so I want to celebrate this. It's attractive. It's what I want.
However, I just don't fancy Christian men. I'm sorry I said that. But it's out there. Someone had to say it. Now when I speak here, I am talking very generally, and perhaps I just haven't met the right one. There are huge exceptions to the rules and again I don't mean to offend. But Christian men generally fall into 3 categories
1) Married
2) Engaged
3) A reincarnation of Jesus himself complete with socks and sandals, unkept facial hair, no idea about today's moden fashion and completely clueless in the whole area of dating.
Ok so point 3 is completely harsh and exagerated. But you get what I mean. Men. For God's sake (and women's) please, MAN-UP! As a woman I believe and celebrate the fact that I was designed to be wooed, having flowers bought for me is not soppy - I LOVE IT! Having a man make a decision shows initiative and demonstrates reliability, stability and someone I could depend upon. Those of you who date on the Internet (and yes, I include Christians here), please don't ask my name first off, and then ask if I'm horny or what my underwear sizes are as question number 2. (Too far, or just speaking the truth!?). I want a man who is able to control himself, and help me control myself also, not pull me down on the first opportunity he gets! It's a huge turn off. I love a man who is himself and who has character. Far too often I fear that men are trying so hard to be Jesus, that they forget to be THEMSELVES - the person God created them to be. We are not called to be Jesus, but to be like Jesus. My final rant here is this. If my sink is totally splurting water everywhere and needs fixing, unless there is a woman who can do it, (and I am all for women doing traditionally male dominated jobs), then I want a MAN who can come and fix it. Similarly if my lightbulb needs changing, or my car tyres need pumping up I also would like a man's touch to help me out. In addition, if I am upset and crying, I want a man to take me in his arms and cuddle me, not run a mile and go pale in the face through fear. I love men being manly. I'm sure if I had to I could fix a sink, and I already know how to change a lightbulb and regularly pump my car tyres up. I have been crying for 28 years and can cope. I am not reverting to pre 1960 gender roles. I am just saying that I love men having the ability to be manly; something I fear that the modern male Christian isn't.
Marriage and Breakups
I am no authority on this. I have never been married, and my breakups have always been horrendous. But they were made easier by the help of my amazing church family, who walked with me, loved me, understood and cared for me. Often there is a lot of pressure to get married because, yes, it is good. And yes, those saving sex for marriage often do want to marry sooner rather than later. Fair enough. However I do think that today's Christians often rush into it far too soon without giving it enough thought or enough time to develop naturally and wholesomely. What is the church doing to assist this? Many of my Christian friends who married young are experiencing a whole wealth of financial difficulties, health problems, arguments, disagreements, family problems, and so on which could have been avoided if they had just waited that bit longer until things were a bit more stable. Yes marriage is good, but it can also be very dangerous. Churches, we need to care for our engaged couples and ensure they are fully ready or as ready as can be). Marriage is fast becoming a 'fashion' rather than a life-long commitment ('what table decoration are you having, what colour are your bridesmaids, veil or no veil). Often I think couples are also getting married because there seems to be a fear of 'breaking-up'. Breaking up hurts. It is horrific. But rather break up than marry someone you just can't cope with in 3 years time when reality hits. People, we need to advise on breaking-up. We need to support those who do. We need to tell people if we think they are not right together. And we need teaching on how to date in a Godly but realistic way which is more than just a list of do's and don'ts.
So these are some thoughts. I'm not saying I'm right. I mean no offence. I am just sharing some things. I hope you enjoy and any feedback is always welcome.
'God, I'm not asking for a man who is a Christian, I'm asking for a Christian who is a man',
Amen
*Braces herself for the onslaught*.
XXX
Blessed from the blessing or blessing from the blessed?
Hiyer. Thanks so much to everyone for the positive feedback on my previous blog - I am so happy people were blessed by it - and I'm really sorry if it was too much for some people. All good though.
Anyways. Today I'm way confused. Hmmm so the passage for today is 1 Samuel 18. v14 says the following...
'In everything (David) did he had great success, because the Lord was with him.'
Ok. Pretty straight forward, it implies that God is with us so we will have great success, just like King David. Cool. So why doesn't it always work? This raised many questions for me. I will outline them below; perhaps you can share your thoughts.
1. Why so often do we suffer? If God is with us, surely we should have success, right? I believe God is with me, so why has so much of my life felt like a battle? Why do bad things happen to good people?
2. If you don't believe in God, can the Lord still make you successful?
3. What about successful people who don't believe God is with them? Where has that success come from?
4. A REALLY interesting question - Did the Lord bless what David was doing and thus make him successful, or did David get blessed through doing what God was doing and following His will? I.e. should we follow the blessing and take part in what God is already blessing, or should we just start from scratch and ask God to bless it?
I'd really love some thoughts on this, cos I'm really confused.
Thanks
:)
Anyways. Today I'm way confused. Hmmm so the passage for today is 1 Samuel 18. v14 says the following...
'In everything (David) did he had great success, because the Lord was with him.'
Ok. Pretty straight forward, it implies that God is with us so we will have great success, just like King David. Cool. So why doesn't it always work? This raised many questions for me. I will outline them below; perhaps you can share your thoughts.
1. Why so often do we suffer? If God is with us, surely we should have success, right? I believe God is with me, so why has so much of my life felt like a battle? Why do bad things happen to good people?
2. If you don't believe in God, can the Lord still make you successful?
3. What about successful people who don't believe God is with them? Where has that success come from?
4. A REALLY interesting question - Did the Lord bless what David was doing and thus make him successful, or did David get blessed through doing what God was doing and following His will? I.e. should we follow the blessing and take part in what God is already blessing, or should we just start from scratch and ask God to bless it?
I'd really love some thoughts on this, cos I'm really confused.
Thanks
:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)