Stop doing, start living!

Hello.

I was totally blown away yesterday...  Keep reading, all will make sense hopefully!

As some of you may have picked up, I'm completely overloaded and stressed out at the moment.  Infact I'm slightly worried because my heart has started doing this weird racing thing and beating really fast or irregularly due to the stress.  I think I might see a doctor tomorrow.  Not only this, but I have been so totally miserable and felt like I have had the weight of the world on my shoulders for the last few months really.  It has been pretty horrible.  Keep reading...

So yesterday I was at a wedding.  It was fab.  However,  just before going into the main reception building, I had had a mini meltdown and a bit of a stress over life in general really.  It went a little something like this: Why aren't I married?  What's wrong with me?  Why do things have to be this way?  Why am I always so miserable?  Why haven't you sent a bolt of lightening down on my non-christian friend and converted him yet?  He'd be the perfect match!  How come all of the other people at this wedding are happily married? Will I ever be?  And wait, I don't even have time to be with anyone because my job is so busy.  Why is my job so busy?  Why am I so stressed out?  Why can't I cope anymore?  When am I going to get chance to mark my ALevel essay papers?  What about changing jobs?  What about moving up north?  Should I move back yet?  Did I remember to turn my hair straighteners off?  Did I lock the car?.... dear goodness, Caroline SHUT UP!  Isn't it funny that I have this sort of conversation with myself on an hourly basis pretty much.  It's not healthy!

So then, upon entering the reception room at the wedding, the first person I spoke to completely sent me into a state of awe and amazement.  I asked her how she had been doing and basically her response was that she's a lot better because she had recently had a revelation and overcome a huge amount of stress-related illnesses and stopped being so harsh on herself.  She was a lot brighter and happier and had literally been able to remove the weight of the world from her shoulders.  Her timing could not have been better!  Praise God.  The conversation that followed was exactly just what I needed to hear.  We talked about freedom in Christ, about not getting stressed out, about His grace and rest, and so on.  It was such a divine moment!

So today I'm left thinking.  Why do we get so stressed if we believe God is so in control and has good plans for us?  And I'm also, once again, left open-mouthed in amazement at the response from my thoughts.

Helen, (the girl who inspired me yesterday) spoke to me a lot about perfectionism and about the negative impact it has on us.  Let me expand.  I am a huge perfectionist.  Everything has to be just right - from the positioning of my tea-cups in my room, to the planning of a lesson for school, to my eyeliner... everything.  This mentality also affects my relationship with God massively!  I try so hard to get everything right, to not sin, to not make the same mistakes again, to put the Word into action all of the time, to do something for fourth - week outreach in community groups, to read my Bible and journal every day by 8:00am...  These are good things to do, but not if I am doing them out of a striving, self-seeking, self destructive form of perfectionism.  NO.  That is wrong!  I should do these things to worship and honour God, not because I will feel bad if I'm not perfect!  Jesus already made my relationship with God perfect when He died on the cross and took my sin away.  HE is the author and 'perfecter' of my faith (Hebrews 12v2), NOT ME! 

I can almost hear the sighs of relief when I say that we are not the perfecters of our faith.  Jesus, however, is.  How awesome.


Secondly as Christians, we should totally stop being so harsh on ourselves and trust God a little bit more.  You know I worry so much about everything.  I get into patterns of not being able to get things right and can't seem to find a way out.  Then I beat myself up.  I make mistakes.  I get things wrong. Sometimes I get things wrong ten, twenty, even one hundred times before I get even close to getting them right!  Yet, whilst I'm not excusing sin, God knows what it's like.  He knows we are human.  he knows things take time.  If I were to have a 2 month old baby, I would not expect it to walk straight away.  Neither would I get angry when it tried to stand up ten, twenty even thirty times and fell down again.  I remember learning to ride my bike without stabilisers for the first time.  My Dad used to take me out and run along with me holding my handlebars to steer whilst I got used to the shift in balance.  He did this with me time and time and time again; night after night after his busy day at work, until I got the hang of it.  He never once shouted at me for wobbling.  He never once took his hands off the handlebars until he knew I'd be ok.  Infact I even remember him still running alongside me once I had got the hang of it and managed to ride solo just incase I fell or needed him.  

This is just like God!  God is not sat up on his Godly throne watching for us to fall.  NO!  He is running alongside us each step of the way, ready to pick us up and set us on our feet again if and when we do get it wrong.  He knows we are going to get things wrong, but loves us anyway.  Awesome!  We are all at different stages in the journey, all dealing with different things.  Some of these things take time and a process to overcome or to happen.  God doesn't get angry with the process though!  He is walking each step of the way with us, helping us, assisting us, loving us!  He is part of the process!  The Bible mentions in Malachi 3v2 about God being like a 'refiner's fire' refining and purifying us.  This takes time!  It is a process.  We need to be less harsh on ourselves and accept that no, we are not perfect, but God is and He has made and is constantly making us perfect!  So, in sum, perfectionism - you lose!

Finally, and what a better passage to tie in with today than today's reading; Joshua 3v5 'Joshua told the people (who he was leading to the promised land) "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you"'.

All of the running around, trying to sort this out, trying to do that, trying to fix things, trying to make things happen..... what's it all for?  I spend ages trying to orchestrate divine opportunities, God inspired moments, conversations, and so on.  I almost try to take on the role of God and then stress myself out when things don't work out!  Well duh!  Pressure is off Caroline because it is GOD who does amazing things among us.  All we need to do is consecrate ourselves, let God use us, live ready. 

Awesome!

May God bless you as you get ready for what GOD is going to do tomorrow!